i had a dream the other night......

First one I remember bits of for quite some time.


There was a lot happening. But I do remember feeling like I couldn't breathe, my chest was tight and I was panicking. Everything was moving like I was falling and I was facing towards the sky, as if I was laying on my back. I was trying to right myself and stop falling but I couldn't.

Then I looked up cause I heard a shrill bird shriek.


It was Fudge. It felt like she was coming to see if I was ok. And I remember looking up and smiling at her, and then I felt peaceful and everything faded to black.


i did some looking around on the net, and found some possible meanings for it all.

"Bird
To dream of chirping and/or flying birds, represents joy, harmony, ecstasy, balance, and love. It denotes a sunny outlook in life. You are experiencing spiritual freedom and psychological liberation. It is almost as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

To dream of dead or dying birds, foretells a period of coming disappointments. You will find yourself worrying over problems that are constantly on your mind.

To see bird eggs in your dream, symbolizes money.

To see deformed or odd birds in your dream,?indicates that you have a unique outlook and perspective on romance and love. The dream may also represent a lack of understanding in affairs of the heart.


Fall
To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.

To dream that you fall and are frightened, indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may denote that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.

To dream that you are free-falling through water, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You may feel that it is easier to give up, then to try to stay afloat or prevent yourself from going under.?

*For an in depth analysis, please see Common Dreams: Falling.


Window
To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight.?If the windows of a house is dark, then it indicates a loss in your perception or vitality.

To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself.

To see shut windows in your dream, signifies desertion and abandonment.

Fear
To dream that you feel fear, indicates that your achievements will not be as successful as you had anticipated. You are experiencing anxieties in various aspects of your life. The key to overcoming your fear is to discuss them and deal with them openly.

To dream that you worse fears are coming true, signifies your resistance to change. You are afraid to confront the unknown aspects of yourself.


Scared
To dream that you are scared, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence in your waking life. You may be feeling a lack of control. Perhaps you are having second thoughts about a decision you have made. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.?


Peace
To dream of peace and tranquility, indicates an end or a resolution to an emotional issue or inner conflict. It may signal and end of a cycle and the pause before the beginning of a new endeavor. It also suggest that you have reached a new level of stability and calmness. Alternatively, the maddening quietness may refer to the calm before the storm.

Helpless
To dream that you are or feel helpless, suggests that you are experiencing difficulties in confronting a situation or relationship. You feel that you are unable to take charge of yourself."

so basically from what i can gather, my dream is telling me that
- i have a sunny outlook on life and right now it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because of a decision;
- i may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem;
- i may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance;
- i am experiencing anxieties in various aspects of my life;
- Anger often masquerades as fear, so i must also consider issues about which i am angry about in my waking life;
- the maddening quietness may refer to the calm before the storm;
- i am experiencing difficulties in confronting a situation or relationship.

and to me, once i sit down and think about all the stuff that's going on and coming up, it's clear to me what that dream was about.

and it's not a great feeling when the problems u thought u wouldn't have to deal with yet because you're still so far away from all the drama but the feelings and issues start invading your dreams.

so i know what has to happen. and as much as i feel bad for them, things have to be said, and action has to be taken. otherwise i'll do my head in and that means we'll be back to square one. back where i was before i felt like i had been reborn.

all i want is the strength to face it all and come out unscathed.

mum and i were talking on my last visit, and we agree i care too much about other people, and it's time i start looking after myself. i can't afford to worry about hurting or upsetting others. i have to learn to put myself first for once, and i have to lay it on the line and say it how i see it.

you were my best friend once, but you have changed. you've become a selfish cow and you take my family for granted. and your other half isn't much better. they've done so much for you and when you're asked to put in a little extra effort or you're asked to stop doing certain things because it makes people feel uncomfortable, you whinge and complain like a little b***h. and you DON'T even bother putting urself in other's shoes to think about how they feel about what you do. I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY OWN FAMILY'S HOUSE!! you're too wrapped up in your own little world where u think everything's hunky dory. well let me tell u BUCKO, it's not. you've destroyed a good thing. and i hope you're happy. i don't even know if you read this, but if you do, it means i don't have to say it to your face, because if i do, emotions get in the way. and at least this way i get to say everything i feel without you interrupting.

it may sound harsh, but i've said a LOT worse about people. and this really needed to be said. as it is, there's is HEAPS more i could say, but i guess this is enough for now. because no doubt there will be talks/arguments soon, and i really don't know how things are going to go with that.

all i know is, i'm still not strong enough to deal with all the problems. it's not fair on me. i'm 800kms away and i still have to listen to all the problems! i just can't deal with it anymore and i just want it all to stop. and if that means sending you on your way, then i guess that has to happen.

i just want my family back. that's the bottom line. things haven't been good for a long time, and i just want the relaxed and happy feelings back.